Listen to Dan Lanning. Watch him speak.

Listen to Sean McVay. Watch him speak.

Listen to Kenny Dillingham. Watch him speak.

Several common themes emerge. These guys are sharp. Passionate. Dynamic. They can command a room. They have won as the guy in charge, after having done so as a coordinator. They have that “it” factor. They know why they win and can pinpoint reasons for falling short.

These are the qualities UCLA must seek in its next football coach after dismissing DeShaun Foster on Sunday. Foster was a nice guy and a great Bruin who loved the program, but he did not have the personality or the wherewithal to get the job done at even a modest level.

Put aside, for a moment, any qualms about athletic director Martin Jarmond making the next hire after so badly botching the last one. Unless chancellor Julio Frenk intervenes and fires Jarmond or installs a football general manager à la Andrew Luck at Stanford or Ron Rivera at California, all that matters is Jarmond and his search committee getting this move right.

Jarmond, who said he wanted someone who yearns to take the Bruins to the College Football Playoff, should create a checklist of the aforementioned traits. Those who don’t check every box — we’ll make one exception, for promising coordinators — shouldn’t be considered.

That will eliminate many candidates who could probably win six to eight games a year while sustaining the sort of blah existence the program endured under coach Chip Kelly. A lot of them are current head coaches on preliminary candidate lists being widely circulated. And they’re all decent coaches and probably great people … and not good enough to elevate this program to where it needs to go.

Also, let’s make one thing abundantly clear: Being a former Bruin should have no bearing on one’s candidacy.

Several of the most successful coaches in UCLA football and men’s basketball history — John Wooden, Red Sanders and Ben Howland — had no previous ties to the school. The list of failed coaches with UCLA ties would require multiple pages.

Here at The Bolch Group, we think the list of candidates should fall into four broad categories:

Head coaches on the rise: Those who fit into this mold include Tulane’s Jon Sumrall (going a combined 35-9 at Troy and Tulane is no small feat) and Boise State’s Spencer Danielson (took the Broncos to the Fiesta Bowl in Year 2) plus an untold amount of promising candidates at the Football Championship Subdivision level.

Coordinators who deserve a promotion: Defensive coordinator Glenn Schumann (Georgia) and offensive coordinators Will Stein (Oregon), Brian Hartline (Ohio State) and Ben Arbuckle (Oklahoma) could be the next big thing. Don’t you want to be the one who identified great talent before anyone else?

The wildcards: Pat Fitzgerald, who compiled three 10-win seasons at the coaching graveyard known as Northwestern, is back on the market after being essentially exonerated in the school’s hazing scandal. As someone who covered Fitzgerald for the Daily Northwestern when the linebacker helped the Wildcats reach the Rose Bowl in 1996, I can safely say this guy is a winner with integrity. UCLA might be scared off by the optics, but it shouldn’t be.

Big names who might emerge: Alabama’s Kalen DeBoer, who should have been hired by Jarmond after a 2021 season in which DeBoer’s Fresno State Bulldogs toppled the Bruins at the Rose Bowl, could be back on the market if things further deteriorate in Tuscaloosa. Marcus Freeman would be another candidate who should be quickly snatched up if Notre Dame can’t rebound from its 0-2 start.

What’s most important is the person and the potential.

Go ahead, listen to them. Watch them speak.

UCLA quarterback Nico Iamaleava (9) has struggled to lead the Bruins’ offense so far this season.

(Gina Ferazzi/Los Angeles Times)

This is sort of like being placed on academic probation three weeks into the quarter and now you’ll be reporting to a substitute teacher.

Quarterbacks: C. At this rate, Nico Iamaleava will either be in the NFL next season … or playing for another college team. Might he hit the transfer portal before the Bruins’ next game?

Running backs: D. Who’s handling the rotation here? Jalen Berger is obviously not the answer in short-yardage situations.

Receivers: C. Rico Flores Jr. and Carter Shaw can’t return from injuries soon enough.

Offensive line: D. Talk about being a double threat, these guys get pushed around and commit penalties.

Defensive line: D. Providing close to zero resistance in the run game after New Mexico rushed for 298 yards and could have had considerably more with better playcalling.

Linebackers: C. These guys continue to be productive in cleanup duty but aren’t making many meaningful plays.

Defensive backs: D. Whether in press coverage or playing way off the line of scrimmage, the results are the same.

Special teams: A. Bids are being solicited for the Mateen Bhaghani statue outside the Rose Bowl.

Coaching: F. Foster clearly wasn’t the only issue here. Offensive coordinator Tino Sunseri and defensive coordinator Ikaika Malloe also deserve some questioning. Does anyone know what they’re doing?

Olympic sports spotlight: Women’s soccer

It’s hard to keep a good team down.

After opening the season with two losses in its first three games, the UCLA women’s soccer team has reeled off four consecutive victories, including a 2-0 triumph over Oregon on Saturday in its Big Ten opener.

The fourth-ranked Bruins (5-2 overall, 1-0 Big Ten) are rising quickly after their 2-0 victory over top-ranked Stanford on Sept. 7 showed they are once again one of the nation’s top teams. UCLA’s defense has led the way in the season’s early going, with five shutouts in seven games. Goalkeepers Daphne Nakfoor and Mariangela Medina combined for the shutout against the Ducks.

UCLA will open conference road play against Michigan State on Thursday and Michigan on Sunday.

Remember when?

This one hurt deeply.

As a Northwestern alumnus, it looked like I would be able to savor the Wildcats’ first bowl victory since 1949 when they intercepted three Drew Olson passes in the first quarter and raced to a 22-0 lead over UCLA in the 2005 Sun Bowl.

Then the Bruins did what they had done all season — they came back.

Having already wiped out a pair of 21-point deficits, UCLA decided a school-record comeback was in order. Olson went on to throw three touchdown passes and backup running backs Chris Markey and Kahlil Bell capably filled in for an injured Maurice Drew by combining for 286 yards rushing and two touchdowns.

Perhaps the most stunning part of the comeback was its speed. When Olson completed an eight-yard touchdown pass to Marcus Everett with 29 seconds left in the second quarter, the Bruins seized a 29-22 lead. They would never trail again.

Brandon Breazell added some late-game hilarity when he returned one onside kick 42 yards for a touchdown, only to later grab another onside kick and return it 45 yards for a touchdown, capping UCLA’s wild 50-38 triumph.

Interestingly, I was the UCLA sidebar reporter that season alongside the late, great Lonnie White, who was the Bruins beat writer. I had attended every previous road game, but the sports editors left me off the travel roster, like a sixth-string quarterback, for the game involving my alma mater. Not that I’m bitter or anything, two decades later.

Fortunately, I’m planning to be there for UCLA’s Big Ten opener against Northwestern on Sept. 26 at the Wildcats’ temporary lakeside stadium. It will be the first time the teams have met since the Sun Bowl.

Opinion time

Who will end up as UCLA’s next football coach?

• A known commodity such as Michigan State’s Jonathan Smith
• A former Bruin such as Florida State defensive coordinator Tony White
• An up-and-comer such as Tulane’s Jon Sumrall
• A hotshot offensive or defensive coordinator

Click here to vote in our survey.

Poll results

We asked “Who is most culpable for the state of UCLA football?” The results, after 664 votes:

• Athletic director Martin Jarmond, 62.7%
• Coach DeShaun Foster, 25.3%
• Former chancellor Gene Block, 10.4%
• The football gods, 1.6%

In case you missed it

Plaschke: UCLA can’t afford to let Martin Jarmond hire its next football coach

UCLA fires football coach DeShaun Foster after winless start to season

Letters to Sports: UCLA fans aren’t happy with state of football program

Hernández: UCLA needs to replace DeShaun Foster, who can’t lead the Bad News Bruins to success

UCLA’s season goes from bad to worse in loss to New Mexico at Rose Bowl

He’s an NBA and UCLA basketball legend. Reggie Miller’s ‘passion’ at 60? Mountain biking

‘I just feel disinterested.’ Mass roster turnover stymies UCLA fan engagement

The numbers represent a catch-0-2 as UCLA’s struggles extend to every phase of game

Have something Bruin?

Do you have a comment or something you’d like to see in a future UCLA newsletter? Email me at [email protected], and follow me on X @latbbolch. To order an autographed copy of my book, “100 Things UCLA Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die,” send me an email. To get this newsletter in your inbox, click here.