I’ve always been told I was picky. About food, about clothes, even about my car. I don’t mind, because people often don’t understand why I’m so selective. However, there’s one thing I wish people would stop calling me picky for, and that’s my sexuality.

I identify as gay, but also as aceflux; sometimes I feel myself to be fully asexual – or ‘ace’ for short – and sometimes fully allosexual (not asexual), and sometimes somewhere in between. I’m always attracted to men, but the way in which I’m attracted to them changes. With a fluid attraction, I often get told I’m just being ‘difficult’, or that I’m making up words for attention, but there are plenty of others who feel the same way I do.

According to the ONS 2021 census, 0.06% of respondents identified as asexual, though research suggests that the actual number may be higher, around 1-2% of the population of England and Wales.

Asexuality is defined as experiencing little to no sexual attraction to other people. However, it’s also an umbrella term encompassing other ace identities, such as demisexual, whereby sexual attraction can only develop once the person has formed a strong emotional connection with their partner, and grey ace, which involves a limited amount or low intensity of sexual attraction.

Attraction can be defined by the Split Attraction Model (SAM), whereby romantic and sexual attraction are distinct and separate from one another, even if they don’t necessarily align. For instance, a person can be asexual and biromantic, meaning they’re romantically attracted to two or more genders and sexually attracted to none. The SAM is often used by asexual people, but is not limited to the ace community, and can be used by anyone.

Asexuality isn’t a new term. It’s commonly thought that Florence Nightingale may have been asexual, as are a number of current celebrities of varying ages. For instance, Alice Oseman, creator of the successful graphic novel and now hit TV show Heartstopper, identifies as asexual, and streamer Sweet Anita identifies as demisexual, as does singer Chappell Roan. English singer-songwriter Cavetown has also confirmed that he is on the asexual spectrum.