A MAN thinks all the staff at his local pub knowing his name makes him a well-loved neighbourhood face rather than a probable alcoholic. 

Stephen, not his real name, is such a fixture at The Woolpack in Chippenham that the people who work there roll their eyes when he enters before wearily muttering ‘Pint of Carlsberg, Steve?’. 

He said: “They pretend to be annoyed that I’ve arrived to spend the entire afternoon and early evening propping up the bar again, but actually they love my constant hilarious banter and critiques of their pint-pouring skills. It’s livens up their day. 

“They all know my name in there, from the landlord right down to the cleaner. Even the notoriously unfriendly barman who does the weekend shift knows it, despite the fact that he jokingly calls me ‘f**king dickhead’. 

“It’s important to be visible in your community, and I do my bit by spending five hours a day holding court in this pub. I’m basically like the mayor, if the mayor was able to drink nine pints and still just about stand up.” 

Barmaid Hannah, not her real name, said: “Yes, we do know his name in here. It makes it easier for the police to differentiate which local wanker they need to arrest for sexual harassment when we call them on a Saturday night.”