Wed. Aug 27th, 2025
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In the vast catalog of relationship science research, very little focuses on the second date — or at least beyond what it takes to land one.

There are ample studies about first dates and initial attraction, which are often conducted in speed dating-style experiments. On the opposite end of the spectrum, some researchers devote their entire careers to studying long-term relationship trajectories. But few delineations are made among the dates that make up the period between meet-cute and making it official.

Even under a pop-culture dating framework, which assigns some value to early dating milestones including the third date and the three-month mark, Date No. 2 falls to the wayside.

Yet the second date is psychologically significant, because it marks most daters’ first venture past “initial clearance,” said Bree Jenkins, a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach based in Los Angeles.

Instructions for a first date are clear: Introduce yourselves and decide whether you’re compatible. This “meet and greet,” as Jenkins called it, most often happens over coffee or drinks.

“The second date is different, because you have some level of psychological reassurance that the other person is interested,” Jenkins said. “So some of the anxiety comes down, and I think it’s a little bit easier for people to be more intentional about how they want to connect.”

The Times spoke with relationship scientists and dating coaches to determine what types of second-date activities might foster that early sense of connection, which ideally snowballs into successive dates.

Their insights distilled to the following criteria:

Keep it affordable

Money puts the pressure on, and the goal of a second date should be to take the pressure off.

Duana Welch, a dating and relationship coach and author of “Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps From I Wish to I Do,” said that when someone spends heavily on their date, “research shows that a lot of times, there’s a sexual expectation that’s implied or actually real.”

Such a dynamic can hinder daters’ ability to effectively gauge their compatibility, “so take that expectation away from it,” Welch said. “Do something that’s pretty simple and pretty low cost.”

In other words, don’t be stingy, she said, but focus on being generous with your time and compliments rather than with your money.

Get active, but don’t cut the conversation

General second-date advice suggests incorporating an activity as a divergence from the first date-style, sit-down conversation. Relationship scientists agreed but issued a caveat: Make sure you can still talk.

Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor at UC Davis specializing in the science of relationships, said that whereas in the past people might have interacted 10 or 20 times before they went on a first date, with the advent of online dating, “the archetype that people often have is, ‘I met you on the first date.’”

In that paradigm, a follow-up date is still ripe for introductory conversation, which can’t easily occur in many default second-date settings like a movie theater. Instead, Eastwick recommended a cooking class or immersive show — “something that permits interaction, but you’re also doing this third thing.”

Welch recommended a bike ride or museum stroll, as “people sometimes open up more where they don’t feel like they have to look right at each other.”

Lean into novelty

Lastly, the suggestion to try something new may seem like a cliché, but it’s also scientifically legitimate.

“Anytime that you have a novel experience, especially if it’s enjoyable, you’re going to release more dopamine,” Jenkins, the dating coach, said. “It gives people a way to connect and feel more positive emotion behind the connection.”

With all that in mind, here is a list of second-date ideas in L.A. that relationship experts can get behind.



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