The TV star is passionate about helping young men to get support in their roles as new dads, after losing his own father at a young age
As a father of six kids aged between two and 17, Joe Swash knows a thing or two about parenting. But the TV star says that when he first became a dad, aged 25, he felt “vulnerable, under-prepared” and ignored by society.
And he fears that things might have got even worse since then, which inspired him to make a film to highlight the desperate situation that many young fathers trying to raise their children find themselves in.
Joe, 43, lost his own father when he was just 11 and had no role model to guide him through while he was raising baby Harry, now 17, with his former partner Emma Sophocleous.
READ MORE: Millie Gibson unrecognisable in Forsytes role after sudden exit from Doctor WhoREAD MORE: Bake Off’s ‘bingate’ sabotage returns to tent in dramatic show scenes
“From what I’ve found, there’s not a lot of support out there for young dads, and if there is some, it’s very, very difficult to find,” says Joe, who now has a large blended family with his wife Stacey Solomon.
“I’ve got six kids that I look after. Being a dad is a really big part of my life. And I remember being so vulnerable, so under-prepared for my first child, not really knowing anything, not really having anywhere to go for some help. My dad wasn’t around. There were no charities geared towards young dads.When I’d go to,a child parent club, it was always going to the mother-child club. I never felt really included.”
Joe’s relationship with Emma broke down just a few months after Harry’s birth and Joe wonders whether the large number of single parent families in the UK could be partly down to the lack of support for young fathers.
“I feel like it’s an area that’s been overlooked,” he explains. “There are lots of absent dads out there and I just want to know whether all of them are absent because they want to be or because there wasn’t enough support for them. If that’s the case then I want to shine a light on that and let people know that there’s got to be something done to make the situation better.”
In his new documentary, Joe meets several young men who are learning on the job and trying to be good dads to their kids. He believes that having positive male role models is not only beneficial for the children – it’s a massive help for men too. Without his own dad to learn from, Joe admits he found the transition into fatherhood really difficult. “I do think it sort of really shaped who I am as a person. You know, not having a dad. I didn’t really know there’d be any issues with it until I’ve got older. I struggle with my identity,” he admits. “What sort of man am I? Am
I expected to be an alpha male? There’s lots of things I struggle with because I never had my dad there.”
One young man in the film is Wyatt, who is currently living separately from his partner and their child because of their circumstances, but is determined to make it work out. Joe says: “I always get this feeling, you now, we should be celebrating people like Wyatt and his partner, because not only are they young but they’re doing a fantastic job and we should be celebrating these positive role models.
“I can definitely feel Wyatt’s pain, you know, because all he wants to do is be with his partner and his child, be a family.”
Looking at the young men who features in the one-off show, he recognises himself in all of them. “I can see a lot of the vulnerabilities in the young men that we met in this documentary because I felt that way,” Joe says. “It’s a real big gulf in your life when you haven’t got a dad or a positive male role model. I remember being young and just craving someone to sort of put their arm around me and look after me, but I never had one.”
Without these types of influences, Joe is concerned that there are plenty of young men who will make the wrong choices or take the wrong path. “That’s the danger,” he reasons. “They’ll fall into places with people that are not positive because they crave just someone looking out for them.”
He’d like teen dads, or those their twenties, to have somewhere to turn for help and advice. “It would help if there was more set up for young dads where they could be around other young dads and they can start the conversation,” he says. “When you first get a baby in your hands, it’s so delicate. You’re so scared of it. The thought of changing a nappy is quite daunting. You know, if you’re not taught it and no one’s showed you it, how are you going to learn it? So I just feel like there’s got to be more places out there for dads wanting to be dads.”
And he points out that the biggest killer of young men is suicide. “We suffer in silence, we don’t open up or talk about our problems. But you put us in a room of other people that are going through the same sort of things, you don’t feel the pressure, you feel open, you want to express yourself. If we can get young dads in the room together, they would know that they’re not the only ones that are feeling these things, that are going through these emotions.
“I got to travel the length and breadth of the country meeting these young dads, listening to their stories, and the whole way along I just kept thinking to myself, ‘we’ve just got to get them talking, you know, open the conversation otherwise everyone’s just suffering in silence.”
Viewers who watch Joe’s film, Forgotten Young Dads, will see that while the group all have their individual struggles, they’re also pretty resilient. After meeting them, Joe feels both inspired and hopeful for the future. “From the time that I spent with them, I think that all of those kids are going to have great dads,” he smiles. “They were all completely hands-on. They’ve done everything from change nappies, feed them and put them to bed. And I just think that is the modern-day alpha male.”
Joe wants young men to realise that being a man isn’t about boozing and bust-ups – it’s about raising your family and getting properly involved in the next generation. “Anyone can go down to the pub and have a fight, or watch the football at the weekend. But not every man can change a nappy, get up in the middle of the night and do all the things that a real dad should do. I was very proud of them.”
– Joe Swash: Forgotten Young Dads, 8pm, Monday 20 October BBC3, Tuesday 21 October BBC1, and iPlayer
Like this story? For more of the latest showbiz news and gossip, follow Mirror Celebs on TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and Threads.