Wife veers into you every six steps out of love
YOUR wife's inability to walk alongside you without barging into you every few seconds is actually an act of love, according to experts. Scientists believe…
44-year-old thinks he deserves birthday party
A MAN is so full of himself he believes he deserves a party to celebrate his 45th birthday. Anthony, not his real name, from Bush…
Five utterly pointless debates you can’t help getting sucked into
DO you sometimes get drawn into mindless ‘debates’ then bitterly regret wasting your time? Here are some classics to avoid. Does God exist? You can…
How to justify your long-haul holiday to your socially conscious friends
SPENDING thousands on a fancy summer holiday but worried about being looked down on by your sanctimonious friends? Here’s how to get away with it.…
Everyone on stag do wants to go to bed
EVERY single man on a stag night is claiming to be ready to keep partying into the early hours while secretly desperate to go to…
Houseguest paralysed by indecision over flushing toilet in middle of night
A MAN who is staying with friends has found himself paralysed by indecision after using the lavatory in the middle of the night. Tom, not…
Office worker having lovely day off in office
AN office worker has taken a much needed day off for rest and relaxation within the confines of his office. Communications manager Guido, not his…
Husband can’t wait to hear latest thrilling twists and turns in saga of wife’s office
A MAN cannot wait for his wife to update him on the latest gripping events in the ongoing saga of what’s happened in her office.…
Woman who says ‘You’ll either love me or you’ll hate me’ is universally hated
A WOMAN who claims to have a divisive personality unites everyone who meets her in hatred, it has emerged. Emma, not her real name, aged…
Woman believes social media best place to cry and discuss personal problems
A WOMAN is convinced social media is a suitable forum for her to cry and discuss her most intimate personal problems. Sophie, not her real…
Why you shouldn’t buy that thing you’re sure you want. By your parents
WHAT are you doing? Don’t buy that. Your frivolous purchase will be frowned upon, and your parents will sensibly explain why: Designer dress Why on…
Six excuses to text your ex and tell them you’re with someone else
THE break-up was tough. Working on yourself, ie wanking furiously, was even harder. But now you’re shagging someone new, better and you need your ex to know.…
Sunday 28 July Olav’s Eve in Faroe Islands
Olaf II Haraldsson (Ólavur Halgi in Faroese) was King of Norway from 1015 to 1028. Olaf died on July 29th 1030 in the battle at…
25-year-old who says she feels ‘ancient’ told to shut the f**k up
A 25-YEAR-OLD who spent her birthday complaining about being ‘basically middle-aged’ has been advised by older friends to shut the f**k up. Sian, not her…
Man in hotel missing underlying passive-aggressive tone of an Airbnb stay
A MAN staying in a regular hotel is longing for the underlying hostility of booking a night in an Airbnb, it has emerged. Julian, not…
Mum still typing
A MOTHER is still typing a text messages several hours after the three dots indicating she was composing her reply first appeared. Yvonne, not her…
Couple insist underfloor heating won’t change them
A COUPLE who have just had underfloor heating installed are claiming they will not let it go to their heads. Kevin and Kah Heng, not…
Letting someone with one item go in front of you: Good deeds you’ve got no sodding choice about
SOME acts of kindness are so unavoidable you can’t even congratulate yourself on your incredible generosity toward the little people. Here are some you just…
Woman in meeting only making notes to look like she has faintest clue what’s going on
A WOMAN in a meeting decided to make some notes before her colleagues figured out she had not not been listening to a word that had been…
Man achieves perfect work-life balance by quitting job
A MAN has achieved the perfect balance between his personal life and professional duties by quitting the latter entirely. Former marketing supervisor Tom, not his…