Jesus Christ

Pop star Sabrina Carpenter hosted “Saturday Night Live” for the first time ever, but it sure didn’t feel like it.

Carpenter was the musical guest last year when Jake Gyllenhaal hosted, and at the 50th anniversary special, she performed with Paul Simon and appeared in a sketch. Whether it’s because she’s done the show both as a musician and a comedic performer (her song performances are often a mix of both) or not, Carpenter seems perfectly at ease in Studio 8H, like she’s always been there.

That served her well on an episode that started badly with a retread of a sketch that’s been done a few too many times (keyword: Domingo), and a monologue that, despite Carpenter’s charm, didn’t seem to connect with the audience.

But after that, Carpenter’s quicksilver timing and ease, plus a diverse set of sketches, put the episode over the top. She sounded just like a 12-year-old boy in a sketch about preteens hosting a podcast called “Snack Homies” with President Trump (James Austin Johnson) as a guest, sold a provocative neck pillow in a funny Shop TV sketch, performed a pretaped “Grind Song” with Bowen Yang, and was thrown out of a window as the host of a girlboss seminar. She scared a co-worker (Ashley Padilla, quickly becoming a critical “SNL” utility player) on her birthday and played a singing and dancing washing machine alongside new cast member Veronika Slowikowska.

It also didn’t hurt that Carpenter’s two playful and well-sung musical performances, for “Manchild” and “Nobody’s Son,” were showstoppers. Her love of the show was evident: she performed the former wearing a “Live from New York” T-shirt and panties with “It’s Saturday Night!” written on the back.

The best argument for inviting Sabrina Carpenter back sometime might be that she held the show together with no outside guests or surprise cameos, which hasn’t happened on “SNL” in a long time. The only exception was a short film from “Please Don’t Destroy” writer Martin Herlihy at the end of the show that may have been about racism and Frankenstein’s Monsters (yes, plural).

We’ll keep this short because the less said about this week’s cold open the better. Chloe Fineman and Andrew Dismukes returned as Matthew and Kelsey, a couple that has struggled in the past with trust issues from Kelsey’s frequent trips with her friends that usually end with a passionate affair with a guy named Domingo (Marcello Hernández). This time, they’re celebrating Matthew’s 30th birthday, but for some reason, Kelsey has flown in her girlfriends (including Carpenter) to sing some pop songs in bad karaoke style about a recent weekend they spent in Nashville. This time the songs are modeled after Taylor Swift’s “Fate of Ophelia,” Lady Gaga’s “Abracadabra” and Alex Warren’s “Ordinary Song.” The ladies went to Nashville and of course Domingo is still around. “This is strike six,” Matthew cries haplessly. “Babe, it won’t happen again,” Kelsey promises. Let’s hope so. The Domingo sketches need to be put to rest.

Carpenter’s monologue was largely about dispelling (but not really) the notion that the singer is overly sexualized, or as she described it, a “Horndog popster.” “There’s so much more to me,” she said, “I’m not just horny. I’m also turned on.” She made hay of the controversy over her “Man’s Best Friend” album cover by joking that it was cropped and revealing that Bowen Yang and Martin Short both originally appeared on it, with Yang pulling her up by her hair and Short pushing her away from a buffet line. The monologue started to fizzle when Carpenter went to the audience for some interaction to prove she can have chemistry with anyone or anything, only to come back to the stage for an awkward bit with Kenan Thompson, who said he wanted a Cameo video for his niece. Carpenter has charisma to spare, but the monologue was too disjointed to go anywhere.

Best sketch of the night: Does making plans to see “Plans” also scare you?

Mock horror movie trailers have done well on “SNL” lately and the streak continues with “Plans,” a Blumhouse horror film featuring Ben Marshall and Carpenter as a couple horrified to realize that plans they made back on Fourth of July have suddenly come to fruition with a cousin and her husband. As their terror grows, they remember that the cousin (Sarah Sherman) talks about marathons (“The way I see it, losing toenails is a badge of honor”) and the husband (Dismukes) likes to show off 11-minute YouTube videos. They’re going to end up at a crowded ramen restaurant and then a bad interactive play. For anyone who’s ever regretted saying yes to socializing, this might be your worst nightmare.

Also good: The neck pillow monologues

The Shop TV sketches wouldn’t work so well if Padilla and Mikey Day didn’t do such a good job infusing their characters Bev and Rhett with such practiced professional panic when things go awry, as they’ve done before. Carpenter appears as Virginia Duffy, a crafter who’s designed an ergonomic pillow that looks just like a giant vagina, which comes in different colors. “Why would you bring the pink one?” asks an exasperated Rhett. By the time the faux fur lining is added and Rhett tries on the neck pillow, culminating in an unwanted baby sound effect, Shop TV has done it again. Bonus points for Johnson as Tim Tucker, who appears at the beginning of the sketch with a trick-or-treat pail in the shape of Jesus Christ’s head. “Trick or treat, smell my feet, walk with Christ down the Halloween street,” he chants.

‘Weekend Update’ winner: Did you see ‘Saw’? He did not

New cast member Tommy Brennan discussed moving to New York and growing up in Minnesota, but it was the return of Hernandez’s Movie Guy character, who wants to talk about scary movies but has seen absolutely none of them. “Everybody saw ‘Weapons!’ I have to tell you, I was not one of those people,” he says. Movie Guy expresses that horror movies often tell you what they’re about: with “Scream,” “everbody scream!” With “Smile,” “everybody smile!” How about “Saw?” “Everybody saw! But not me, I did not see.” He goes on to touch on why Stewie from “Family Guy,” “Shrek” and others are also scary (even if he hasn’t seen them). “‘One Missed Call’ … is this a movie about my mother?”

Sept. 18 (UPI) — A federal jury in Gulfport, Miss., has convicted a man charged with six counts of federal arson and civil rights offenses for vandalizing and setting fire to a house of worship, the Department of Justice announced Thursday.

Stefan Day Rowold set fire to the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Wiggins, Miss., on July 7, 2024.

Evidence presented at the trial suggested that Rowold targeted the church because he disagreed with its fundamental religious beliefs and principles, the Justice Department said in a release.

Rowold confessed to breaking into the building, vandalizing the interior walls and setting a fire in the middle of the church’s multi-purpose room so leaders could not hold services.

Rowold used the church’s hymnals for kindling for the fire, court records showed. He also admitted to breaking into the church two days later with the intention of creating more damage.

“The second time he broke in, Rowold set another fire using cardboard and a piece of firewood,” the Justice Department statement continued.

Rowold is scheduled to be sentenced in January. He faces a minimum of five years and a maximum of 20 years in prison on each of the arson charges, a maximum sentence of 20 years on each of the civil rights charges and a minimum of 10 years for using fire to commit a federal felony offense.

ABC has found its newest “Bachelorette” in “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” reality star Taylor Frankie Paul.

Paul, who appeared in the popular Hulu series, revealed her upcoming foray into Bachelor Nation on Wednesday’s episode of Alex Cooper’s “Call Her Daddy” podcast. “It has not hit me. Right now in this moment, I’m just thinking about it and it’s not real,” she told Cooper.

She added: “It’s not real. It’s not going to be until I have the limos [full of suitors] pulling up.”

The 31-year-old #MomTok influencer-turned-reality TV personality breaks a longtime norm for the “Bachelor” franchise. Incoming leads on “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” have historically been contestants from previous seasons. Paul, on the other hand, has not.

Don’t mistake her for a reality TV rookie, though.

Paul was announced as the newest “Bachelorette” a year after “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” became a buzzworthy hit. The series follows a group of Utah-based TikTok influencers who became the subject of social media scandal when Paul announced she and her then-husband had participated in “soft swinging” and were going their separate ways. The series’ debut chronicled the fallout and explored how its young, modern stars navigate the traditionalist culture of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Speaking to Cooper, Paul said she once thought the “Bachelorette” gig was “unattainable” and shared how she thinks she landed the part. She said she had been open on social media about being single and her fans began making the case for her to become the series’ next star. Ultimately, she received the invitation.

She said she initially hesitated to accept, citing her co-parenting commitments. Paul shares a daughter and son with her ex-husband, and another son with an ex-boyfriend. She explained that she tapped her inner circle to help care for the children, voicing her determination to “make it work.”

Paul is the latest “Mormon Wives” star to cross over to ABC programming. “Dancing With the Stars” announced in July that Paul’s fellow #MomTok-ers Jen Affleck and Whitney Leavitt would take the dance floor for Season 34. Disney owns both “Mormon Wives” streamer Hulu and “Bachelorette” and “DWTS” home network ABC.

“The Bachelorette” won’t return until 2026, but viewers can catch Paul beforehand when “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” Season 3 premieres Nov. 13 on Hulu.

SALT LAKE CITY, May 22 (UPI) — A new Washington state law that requires members of the clergy to report child abuse or neglect, including when the information is revealed in confession, is being investigated by the U.S. Department of Justice Civil Rights Division.

The DOJ claims the law is anti-Catholic and appears on its face to violate the First Amendment. The investigation, which was announced earlier this month, will look at the development and passage of Senate Bill 5375.

The bill, which adds clergy members to the list of mandatory reporters, was passed by the Senate in a 28-20 vote and 64-31 by the House. It was signed into law May 2 by Gov. Bob Ferguson and is to go into effect July 27.

A DOJ news release says the law has no exception for the absolute seal of confidentiality that applies to Catholic priests.

“SB 5375 demands that Catholic Priests violate their deeply held faith in order to obey the law, a violation of the Constitution and a breach of the free exercise of religion cannot stand under our Constitutional system of government,” Assistant Attorney General Harmeet Dhillon said in the release.

“Worse, the law appears to single out clergy as not entitled to assert applicable privileges, as compared to other reporting professionals,” Dhillon said.

The bill’s sponsor, Sen. Noel Frame, D-Seattle, disputes those claims and said the law is not anti-Catholic. She pointed out that members of the clergy are defined as a licensed, accredited or ordained minister, priest, rabbi, imam, elder or similarly situated religious or spiritual leader of any church, religious denomination, religious body, spiritual community or sect.

Mandated reporters include law enforcement officers, professional school personnel, social service counselors, nurses, psychologists and licensed childcare providers, among others. If they have reasonable cause to believe a child has suffered abuse or neglect, they are required to report that to law enforcement or the Department of Children, Youth, and Families.

Under the new law, clergy members must report abuse, but cannot be compelled to testify against the penitent in a court case or criminal proceedings.

“We are talking in our case here about really simply just the reporting in real time of known or suspected abuse and neglect of children in real time,” Frame said. “We’re simply saying, if you believe or you know that a child is actively being abused or neglected, call it in so we can go check on that child to make sure that they are safe.”

Archbishop Paul Etienne of the Archdiocese of Seattle descibted the the law as government overreach. After the apostles were thrown into jail for preaching in the name of Jesus Christ, St. Peter responded, “We must obey God rather than men,” he said in a written statement.

“This is our stance now in the face of this new law,” Etienne said. “Catholic clergy may not violate the seal of confession — or they will be excommunicated from the Church. All Catholics must know and be assured that their confessions remain sacred, secure, confidential and protected by the law of the church.”

The Catholic Church in the United States has been reporting incidents of abuse to law enforcement and cooperating with civil authorities for decades, according to Etienne. Those efforts began in 1986 in the Seattle Archdiocese, he said.

“Our policies already require priests to be mandatory reporters, but not if this information is obtained during confession,” Etienne said.

Frame countered that voluntarily complying with part of the law does not make priests mandatory reporters.

“They may be if they are a teacher, for instance, but they are not mandatory reporters in their role as clergy,” she said. “And to say that we’re already mandated reporters has caused great confusion such that people think the only point of this bill was to ‘go after confession.’ Not true.”

The senator has been trying since 2022 to pass legislation to make clergy mandatory reporters. Articles by Investigative West about how a Jehovah’s Witnesses community in Washington allegedly was covering up sexual abuse of children spurred her effort.

The nonprofit news organization reported the community was handling complaints internally and abuse was not being addressed.

Frame, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a family member from ages 5 to 10, said children need to know that if they ask a trusted adult such as a faith leader for help, they’ll get it.

“I told the mandated reporter about the abuse and that’s how it was stopped, and that was my teacher,” she said.

The Freedom From Religion Foundation, which advocated for passage of SB 5375 through its FFRF Action Fund lobbying arm, said the law closes a longstanding and dangerous loophole that allowed clergy to withhold information about child abuse.

“FFRF urges the DOJ to immediately drop this politically motivated and legally unsound investigation,” the organization said in a news release. “Protecting children from harm must be a priority that transcends religious boundaries. It is not anti-Christian to hold clergy accountable — it is pro-child, pro-justice and pro-human rights.”

Other states that do not have an exemption for penitential communication as of May 2023 are New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway.

The Utah Legislature passed a bill last year that does not make clergy mandated reporters, but protects them from civil and criminal liability if they report ongoing abuse or neglect even if the information came from a penitent during confession.

Utah Rep. Anthony Loubet, R-Kearns, said he sponsored House Bill 432 after constituents reached out to him. Some religious organizations had implemented their own reporting requirements, but the protection from liability applied only to mandated reporters, which did not include clergy, he said.

Members of the clergy like having this option, Loubet said.

“This made it clear that they could report if they wanted to and if they did, they received the protection,” he said.