Vaper confident that caramel-flavoured nicotine gas could never be detrimental to health
A VAPE user doesn’t believe that inhaling gallons of flavoured nicotine mist might be somehow be unhealthy. Kah Heng, not his real name, whose favourite…
We’re not mentioning salary because we know you’re above that, says job advert
EMPLOYERS advertising for new staff have confirmed they do not post salaries because prospective employees are beyond such petty considerations. Businesses agree that any discussion…
Key to happy relationship is remembering you obviously can’t do any better
THE key to a happy relationship is reminding yourself that you cannot possibly do any better, it has been confirmed. The claim was made by…
Woman playfully tests new boyfriend by brutally criticising everything about him
A WOMAN is playfully seeing how her new boyfriend will react to a pitiless dissection of everything he is, enjoys, or hopes to be. Lauren,…
Miserable man syndrome definitely nothing to do with us, agree wives
THE wives of middle-aged miserable men have agreed that this curious phenomenon is entirely unrelated to their own behaviour. Woman are baffled as to why…
Nose picking, and other activities people think are invisible when performed in a car
ENJOY having an in-depth rummage in your nasal passages while driving to Tesco? Did you know people can see you doing that, and these things…
44-year-old pretty sure he should still be about 32
A MAN is increasingly convinced that more than 10 years of his life have somehow passed too quickly, he has revealed. Middle manager Martin, not…
Dipping headlights is for losers, claims git
A MAN who does not dip his headlights thinks he is a master of the universe rather than the worst person the world, it has…
Six unexpected expenses to f**k up your monthly budget
IT’S a week until payday and in a delicate balancing act of restraint and thrift you’ve got cash left. Then this happens: Friend’s birthday Why…
Man torn between spending evening with wife or watching something decent
A MAN is facing the tough choice between spending the evening in the company of his wife, who he loves dearly, or watching something other…
Depraved animal doesn’t hope email recipient is well
A PSYCHOPATHIC monster has sent an email to a co-worker without expressing hope for their well-being. Account manager Julian, not his rea name, was visibly…
US flag changed to orange, purple and white
THE stars-and-stripes is switching colour scheme to orange, purple and white to celebrate the second president of colour The red stripes will be replaced by…
The tactless questions to ask when your friend gets dumped
GOT a friend in tears because they’ve just been given the boot by their partner? Make it even worse with these probing and insensitive questions:…
Vaguely in shape dad sets unrealistic beauty standard for men
A FATHER with only a slight paunch and moderately receding grey hair is setting unrealistic beauty standards for men, it has emerged. 49-year-old dad of…
Five major events that can take place during a man’s lengthy toilet visit
A MAN’S trip to the toilet is a huge expanse of time in which monumental events can happen. Including these. A catastrophic extinction event A…
Seven godawful fashion items that should never make a comeback
FASHION is a continuous cycle where certain clothes come back into style even if they’re hideous. These unforgivable items must never make a comeback, but…
Why it takes us five whole days to reply to your messages: The pathetic excuses of slow texters
PEOPLE who take 120 hours to send one-word replies to texts may seem like piss-takers, but they have their flimsy reasons. Such as these… We…
Woman refits anecdote to get advice she actually wants
A WOMAN has received the dating advice she was looking for after adjusting her anecdote in response to feedback she did not deem useful. Hannah,…
Have you ever considered you’re the problem, dating apps ask users
DATING apps have asked their ugly, humourless, unloveable users if they have ever reflected that not being able to find a partner may not just…
Key to happy relationship is remembering you obviously can’t do any better
THE key to a happy relationship is reminding yourself that you cannot possibly do any better, it has been confirmed. The claim was made by…