Man moves back home to be near aging parents and people he’s more successful than
A MAN who has spent 16 years in London has moved back to Wolverhampton so he can be closer to those who do not earn…
Five inspirational quotes for people who don’t believe in spiritual, hippy bullshit
WANT to feel better about life without having to repeat wafty nonsense to yourself on a regular basis? Try these instead… “I acknowledge that other…
Man thinks it’s cool to say his husband lets him do things
A MAN is under the impression it is cool to pretend his husband is the boss of him. Kevin, not his real name, frequently says…
Five reasons nobody except knobheads make telephone calls anymore
TELEPHONE calls are rarely made by anyone except annoying twerps these days, and for good reason. Here’s why. Messaging exists Why phone someone when you…
Five f**king delightful emails to find in your inbox on Monday morning
IT’S Monday morning and your inbox is full of treasures. Here are five emails to make you grateful you opened Outlook: URGENT MUST BE DONE…
All men punching above
EVERY man in a heterosexual relationship is by default punching above his weight, research has shown. An eight-year project by the Institute for Studies shows…
How to regain your dignity after ordering a half
FEELING like a worthless, pathetic weakling after ordering half a pint? Start rebuilding your dignity with these tips. Say it was a joke Ha! A…
This is the most rewarding part of the job, say teachers
BRITAIN’S teachers are basking in the satisfaction of the summer holidays, which they agree is the most rewarding part of their job. Teachers, who actually…
Kids looking forward to carefree summer of being a massive burden
CHILDREN across the country are excited for a long, magical summer of being cared for by whoever is available. As the school holidays begin, a…
How to see a boob once porn sites roll out age checks: A guide for teenage boys
UNDER the age of 18 and worried how you’ll ever see funbags again when porn sites ask for age verification? Follow these simple steps. Watch Titanic…
Workforce temporarily flooded with teenagers who don’t know shit
THE nation’s employers have been deluged with a torrent of teenagers on work experience who do not know how to do the most basic of…
Child who calls parents by their first names freaking everyone out
A CHILD with trendy parents who uses their first names instead of ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ is having a chilling effect on people. Seven-year-old Tom parents…
Backs just hurt, thirtysomethings told
BACKS just hurt, people in their 30s have been told. Doctors have confirmed that near-constant shoulder and spine pain is a fact of life for…
Boring couple constantly buggering about with house
A BORING couple are constantly buggering about making pointless alterations to their house. Stephen and Nikki, not their real names, who are nice but have…
Are you probably going to be sacked?
ARE you getting bad vibes from your boss and fear you may soon be fired? Take our fun quiz and find out for sure! When…
Six ways your kids will f**k up your holiday the second you leave home
THINK you’re about to embark on a delightful holiday with your lovely family? You aren’t. Here are six ways your kids will f**k it up.…
Difficult to imagine how your dad ever pulled
HOW their dad was ever considered attractive by the opposite sex is beyond most people’s imaginations, it has emerged. Even the most intelligent Britons are…
Passive-aggressive email phrases to make your colleagues hate you
EVER included the phrase ‘as per my previous email’ to suggest the person you’re writing to is as thick as mince? Then you’ll enjoy these…
Woman appalled by notebook with actual notes inside
A WOMAN who enjoys stationery as an abstract, decorative concept has been disgusted to see it being used for its assigned purpose. Publishing editor Emma,…
Woman hears boyfriend voicing contrary opinion in his head
A MAN has been shocked to learn that his partner can hear any of his inner thoughts that express dissent. Anthony, not his real name,…