AN office tech guy knows his colleagues’ darkest and most shameful internet secrets, he will cheerfully inform them at after-work drinks in the pub.
Neil, not his real name, some sort of IT support bod who no one really talks to, believes mentioning his Stasi-like surveillance powers over their computer usage will be a great conversational ice-breaker this evening.
He said: “Most people think my job is just installing firewalls, no, don’t walk off, this is interesting. Where was I? Oh yeah – I know all their grubby little internet histories, and in my socially dysfunctional way, I’m going to chat about it tonight. I can’t wait.
“Martin, not his real name, in networks keeps ordering multipacks of flavoured condoms off Amazon, must find out what that’s about, and I know exactly who’s been spending way too long on the fit receptionist’s Facebook page. I notice she has a lot of holiday bikini snaps. I’ll mention that when they’re all sitting down together.
“Owen, not his real name, has no idea that I can easily see through incognito mode, so I’ll see how his how his search for MILF porn is going. I’ll definitely ask him when he’s able to actually masturbate to it in such a busy office.
“Yes, it’s going to be a fun evening. I expect I’ll make quite a few friends, unless they never ask me along for drinks again, which has happened at every single place I’ve worked. Weird.”
Office administrator Doris, not his real name, said: “Neil doesn’t scare me. I don’t look at porn or anything in the office. All my degrading videos are on my computer at home. I probably shouldn’t have said that, should I?”