The former England and British and Irish Lions rugby star, who is taking part in The Celebrity Traitors, has spoken openly about his mental health struggles in recent years
Few players in world rugby have relished the physicality of the sport quite like Joe Marler, with the former England prop using his formidable size and strength to his advantage throughout his career.
On the outside, he was in fine shape and appeared to be thriving, earning 95 caps for England, finishing on the podium at two Rugby World Cups and touring with the British and Irish Lions, as well as making nearly 300 appearances for his club side Harlequins.
Known as one of rugby’s most colourful characters, with a renowned sense of humour and mastery of ‘s***housery’, all seemed well in Marler’s world. However, beneath the surface, he was struggling with his mental health.
The former loosehead – who is among the 19 celebrities participating in the first series of The Celebrity Traitors – has been open about his battles with depression and anxiety, and in recent years, has become a prominent mental health advocate.
Marler is an ambassador for CALM and fronted the Sky Sports documentary Big Boys Don’t Cry, while he has also spoken about his own mental health journey in interviews and podcast appearances, as well as in his memoir Loose Head, in which he discusses his struggles and the lessons he learnt during his rugby career, which came to an end in November last year.
In discussing his mental health, Marler has previously opened up about his “lowest point”, in which a minor row with his wife Daisy – who was seven months pregnant at the time – caused him to suddenly lose control as he “completely lost the plot”.
The England international admitted that he began destroying his kitchen and “turned the house over” in a violent outburst before storming off in his car, “not wanting to be here anymore”, leaving Daisy in tears.
Detailing the distressing 2018 incident in an interview with The Guardian, Marler revealed how he and Daisy had clashed after she became upset that he hadn’t swerved to avoid a squirrel on the road while driving back from the school drop-off.
Though it was a minor disagreement, the former prop admitted he suddenly “snapped,” explaining: “We got home and I just spiralled and lost control.
“I turned over the kitchen, punched in one of the doors. Then I got in the truck and drove off. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. But it was a massive turning point because it was the most ashamed I’ve ever been. I didn’t recognise who I was anymore.
“After 30 minutes I came back because I was running out on everything good in my life,” Marler continued. “Daisy was crying and I was worried she was scared, but we’ve spoken about it often since then. She says, ‘I was never scared of you. I was just upset and wondering who you were and what you were doing.’
“She had no idea even during those times when she’d said, ‘Any danger of you actually being here, when you’re here?’ I wasn’t engaging because I was stuck in this fog. I didn’t feel like I could tell her or anyone because I was in complete denial there was anything wrong with me. We didn’t speak that night.”
Following the frightening episode, Marler recognised he needed to get support for his mental health and received help from the Harlequins team doctor, who spotted the damage to the prop’s hand the following day, causing him to break down in floods of tears.
Recalling seeing his wife crying in the wake of the argument, he said: “That was the moment I was just like I need help. So I went and got help. I went and saw a psychologist called Humphrey and I was not comfortable doing it, even with someone called Humphrey, and I got there and what an incredibly lovely bloke he was.”
After going to therapy and taking antidepressants, Marler is now looking after his mental health and has developed techniques to recognise warning signs. Using his experiences and platform as one of rugby’s biggest personalities, he has also worked tirelessly to break down the stigma around mental health in sport, encouraging men to have open and honest conversations and seek professional help.
In an interview with Men’s Health, the 35-year-old opened up about how he looks after his mental health now, explaining: “There are techniques I use when I feel my red mist; sometimes they work, and other times they don’t. The biggest thing was learning to recognise when I was going to start feeling that way: knowing what triggers it and finding ways to deal with it early. And to know that there’ll always be these moments.
“My mental health is the same as my physical health. In both, you can put on weight or lose weight; you can put on muscle the same way as you can control how you want to attack the day. You can’t control what might be thrown at you. But you can control how you react to it.”
He added: “We know we have to be mentally strong and physically fit, and yet we’re still rubbing up against the fact that people don’t want to talk about their mind, even though we need to be mentally sharp to compete at the top level. There’s a disconnect.
“Work and sport and the other parts of your life are not separate: your psychology is your psychology. It’s all one thing. How can I possibly focus on using those specific psychological skills for sport if I’m suffering from depression and anxiety away from rugby?’.”